i’m graduating 5 months later than expected and it’s not the end of the world.

I’m graduating 5 months later than expected and it’s not the end of the world.

As many of yall know, I have been attending seminary in Kansas City. I am what they call an “overachiever” and I usually complete what I set out to do. When I put my mind to something, I always get it finished. When I found out I could get my Masters in Theology finished in a year and a half, I was stoked because of how “impressive” that would be. I like being known as someone who is able to juggle a lot at a time. 

Sinfully, I take pride in knowing people are impressed with me. This is something I have recently realized and am working hard towards squashing this form of pride. This is something I am continually confessing and repenting of because I know that nothing I do in the first place is through my power or strength. When I realize I am doing tasks out of this headspace and with this sinful motivation, I usually take major steps back from what I am doing so that I immediately stop altogether. (What can I say? I’m a very black and white person, LOL.) I will gather my thoughts and remember why I am doing whatever I'm doing in the first place while remembering my worth in Christ alone. 

But for seminary, I was trying so hard to get it done so quickly. Not only because of the impressive piece, but because I want to get it all paid off quickly. I am paying for school as I go throughout each semester and it is not cheap. I am blessed to have a great job to be able to pay for this endeavor. The more I work- the more money I make. So that has equated to me working 3 times as hard while also doing full time masters work.

I still praise the Lord for this blessing to be able to do this, but in my mind, I will not rest until the degree is done and the final payment is paid. I also will not stop unless I am going past my limit. This led to burnout. 

At the end of June and beginning of July, I had just turned in my final payment for summer courses. It was over $5,000 which was on top of bills, rent, and living. I had turned it in and was planning on going on a few week long road-trip / work trip. I was beyond excited to be able to see a bunch of my friends along the way as well as get out of Kansas City. 

I started having migraines daily. Debilitated and completely bedridden for about a week and a half straight. Anytime I would do any task, it would come back. I was at my limit of medicine I could take before it became too dangerous, I had ice cold rags on my forehead/ neck, I was sleeping hours a day. I was still in classes so I had to do homework when my head wasn’t throbbing. But discussion posts would usually result in my migraines coming back, as well. 

It was miserable and I figured out soon that I wouldn’t be able to go on my trip because if I got a migraine while driving, it wouldn’t be safe. Who knows if it would get to the point of losing my eyesight (which wasn’t abnormal) or throwing up. So I canceled my trip and just slept for another week. My migraines stopped and I let my body catch up on sleep. For the last 7 months, I had been waking up at 5:15am most days and my body was sleeping in until 9am with naps during the day, as well. 

SO! Moral of the story? I was not ok and I didn’t even realize how exhausted my body was. I look back now and realize how deeply emotionally unstable I was throughout the last few months. Yall, we are like big babies. We need sleep, food, and water. If we are not getting those things, we cannot function well. When I am not getting sleep, I can’t regulate my emotions well. It’s all extremes and it’s all out of whack. 

I made the decision to take 2 classes this upcoming fall semester & 2 classes in the spring semester. I will hopefully graduate & walk in May 2024 with a lot of my friends and I could not be more excited for that. 

I am making a post about this because I find that a lot of college students get so hyper focused on finishing school at the “correct time.” A lot of people think that different life events need to be done in a cookie cutter way like being married at the “right” time or having babies or having the “right” job. But this is not real, it’s just a social mold that people have created. 

I am finishing grad school 5 months later because my emotional, spiritual, and physical health was suffering. It was getting in the way of me glorifying God and enjoying God. There was too much on the plate and I needed to do simply what God was calling me to do, nothing more. And that is more than ok because it’s actually being obedient and stewarding what He has given me well. 

So if I can encourage you with anything, please be obedient and discern what God is calling you to do. Please do not push yourself to do things outside of what God is calling you to do, especially if it’s being done out of sinful motives. Let Him lead your steps each day and know that social molds are not the voice of God.