Self Love is Toxic

Self-love. 

It makes sense, right?

It seems logical in this day and age, right? 

It seems like if you don’t love yourself, then you aren’t walking out how you should, right?

Well, let me explain why self-love is bad & a toxic trait going on today. 

If we know the gospel (the real gospel), we know that the gospel has absolutely nothing to do with us, and everything to do with God’s love for His people. We know that “God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

If we know this, we know that there is a reason that we needed to be saved. We needed to be loved. And that without saving and without love, we would perish. 

So going back to “self-love”... 

Self-love is described as, “the belief you hold that you are a valuable and worthy person.” 

Let me ask you this if you were already worthy and valuable, why would you need a savior? 

Here is some truth that is not popular today: We are not enough.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

We have ALL messed up. We have ALL fallen short. We are ALL not good enough for a perfect and holy God to love us as we are: sinners. But because of Jesus’ unconditional love and never-ending grace that is unfathomable to us, He chooses to save us. He chooses to save us while we are still sinners. (Romans 5:8) We don’t do anything to deserve it, earn it, or win it. It is freely given. (1 Corinthians 2:12)

Self-love is toxic because it teaches us and trains our brains to believe that we don’t need a savior. That we are fine how we are and we don’t need to change. This is bad because this is the opposite of what Christ asks (and commands) of us. For instance: 

Luke 9:23-24, “And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” 

Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” 

2 Timothy 3:1-5, “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” 

1 John 1:8-9, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.“

Throughout scripture, we are reminded of how weak our flesh is. (Psalm 103:14)  How weak the flesh is, but how capable, strong, willing, and powerful the spirit of God in us is. So why would we want to embrace self? Why would we want to embrace flesh? It’s interesting because most of us would say that we don’t want to appear “weak” but we are weak without Him. 

See, as Christ-followers, we are to follow Christ. We are to reflect Christ! (Ephesians 5:1) Something society pushes a lot is “self-discovery.” While that is true, you find your identity and yourself in who Jesus is. If we are called to imitate God, then why would we need to create this special image of ourselves? Of course, we will all be different in our ways of reflecting Him, but our identity is rooted in HIM!

Self-love pushes us to more confusion about ourselves while submitting to Jesus reveals who we are called to be. 

Self-love lives for self. Jesus calls us to live for Him. If you want to be a follower of Christ, it’s expected to deny yourself and follow Him. Submit to Him. 

Now, this doesn’t sound very “encouraging” but let me tell you that it’s the most liberating and freeing feeling. We are worthy and valued IN CHRIST! His love justifies us. His love allows us to be a vessel of His love. We are found pure in God’s eyes because of sweet Jesus’ love for us. It’s so encouraging because you don’t have to perform. You don’t have to strive. You don’t have to make a perfect name for yourself. You don’t need to measure up to anyone’s standards. Because you are loved by the father, by a perfect and holy God who only expects one thing from you: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27

This comes from following God. From spending time with God. From loving God. From being obedient to God. Before you get overwhelmed, know that His grace is sufficient for all shortcomings. There is so much grace in the process of going from living by the flesh to living by the spirit. There is so much grace. 

Friend, I say all of this because it is our joy + the FREE gift of following and being lead by Jesus. Let’s walk that out!