How to Train Yourself During Singleness for Your Future Relationship
How you train yourself during singleness is what you will carry into your future relationship.
This directly goes against a lot of what society pushes. Such as,
“Do what makes you happy”
“You only live once”
The whole demanding attention stigma
And so much more.
Friend who is dying to get into a relationship, I would encourage you to ask yourself these questions:
How am I stewarding myself right now in my singleness?
Am I walking in self control right now?
Am I being loving others sacrificially or am I being pretty self centered?
How am I handling loneliness?
Who do I go to for affirmation and love? Other guys or God?
These are all questions that you need to ask yourself as a single gal, because the reality is, your answers to these questions will be the same when you enter into a relationship with another human. Which, depending on your answers, can be a red flag for you to enter into a relationship. Now, I am NOT saying you need to be perfect or have all of these “mastered” by the time you get into a relationship. I am saying that these are things to be considered, practiced, and honored before entering into a relationship.
Say you have a habit of texting guys when you are bored, lonely, or needing affirmation: you will do that with your boyfriend. And guess what? He CANNOT fulfill those desires and constant needs. He will not be able to, friend. So when you get fed up with him not being able to constantly be your source of love, you will go somewhere else to get it.
Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
If you want to change, if you want to improve, if you want to become more like Christ:
YOU READ YOUR BIBLE. YOU STUDY THE WORD OF GOD.
That’s it! Of course living out “better” actions is important, but that will come naturally when your heart is transformed. Our actions reflect what our heart dwells on. So if our hearts dwell on desiring the affection of a cute boy, than our actions will speak of texting and striving for human attention. But if our hearts are focused and fixated on God and His word, His word will transform our actions into God honoring actions. If we want sanctification or transformation, it comes with getting to know who God is. Simple. End of story.
Let me be vulnerable right now and let you in on a secret. I had a dream once and I was at my wedding reception. The WHOLE reception, I wasn’t with my husband. I was with a guy who I have a history with. I spent the whole reception explaining to this guy that we were done and we would have to stop talking because I was married now. Yet, I wasn’t spending ANY time with my brand new husband. Reception was done and I found myself looking around for my husband and he was nowhere to be found.
The reality is that at this point in my life, this guy from my past had always been in my life. He and I would go a few months without talking, then we would talk, and so on. But what I feel like the Lord was warning me of was that if I continued talking to the guys of my past, I would never be focused on my husband. I would always be trying to find closure and I would still desire for the guys of my past to “fight” for me when we “end” things.
Here’s the hard truth, friend….
You need to take control of your patterns. This means being self aware. This means being self controlled. This means being sacrificial and honoring the other person more than giving into what your flesh wants. This means going against what feels good/ is comfortable to you. This means rewiring your brain. You know the only way that’s going to happen? Intimacy and being completely and utterly lost in who God is.
Tangible tips:
Problem: If you find yourself talking to a guy because you are: bored, lonely, looking for affirmation/ attention, or need someone- STOP. Stop talking to him right now. He is not beneficial to your walk with the Lord because he is getting in the way of your intimacy with Jesus. He is a distraction and the enemy is using that relationship to take your eyes off Jesus.
Solution: Have intimacy with Jesus. I have had seasons where I need to spend 3 or 4 times with Jesus a day. Because I NEEDED Him so desperately. The temptation in my life was so heavy and I was in a sensitive season. So I did what it took to get that need filled. Intimacy with Jesus does not look like reading a 5 minute devotional. Intimacy looks like quality time. If that means you sacrifice an hour of sleep, so be it. If that means not watching Netflix, so be it. But you fight for what is important for you and your future relationship IS IMPORTANT. Heck, walking in this intimacy and purity isn’t just for your future relationship. It’s for your walk with Jesus.
See, I was writing some more problem/solutions and I just sounded repetitive. The reality is that all you need is Jesus. All you need is time with Jesus and His word. Because when you allow scripture to mold who you are, how you act, and what decisions you make, you will be solid. You will walk in peace. You will walk in harmony with what the Holy Spirit wants for you because you know His voice. You know what is wise and what is not. You will also know that you can trust Jesus.
Another tangible tip though,
Pay attention to what triggers feelings of loneliness and the need for attention. Be aware of what triggers you texting that old guy. For me? It was and is when I watch Romance movies. The movie inflicts a feeling of loneliness in me that I feel like I need to fulfill right then and there, so I text a guy from my past.
There’s many things that I can continue saying. But I encourage you to 1. Spend a wild amount of time with Jesus. More than “you think you need.” 2. Figure out what triggers bad actions. With that knowledge, go to Jesus and talk to Him about it. Figure out what the root of what is and seek healing. Seek the word to transform the way you think and then, therefore do things.
“May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance,” 2 Thessalonians 3:5
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” Colossians 3:5