“I Hate Being the Strong Friend”
As I said this with tears coming down my face to the Lord the other night, I realized something I have been holding in for so long. I am tired. I am weak. I hate having to encourage people when I, myself, am so burned out. I can’t always give. I don’t have the capacity. I don’t always like being called “strong and powerful.”
Here’s the deal. I get told that I am strong all the time. I know people are telling me because it’s something that is admirable to them and I receive the affirmation. But here’s the deal, the strength isn’t from me. The strength doesn’t come from me.
I think that we forget that the Holy Spirit has a key role in our walk as we follow Jesus everyday.
Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Let me fill you in on some things I have learned:
You can’t do it all. You cannot be there for your friend every single moment of every single day. You were never intended to. That’s God’s job. They should be going to God for affirmation, direction, and comfort...not you.
I know you care so much for your friend who is struggling. But the absolute best thing you can do for her? Point her to scripture. Point her to the heart of God. Point her to spending time with Jesus. Point her to where abundant life, unconditional love, and peace that surpasses all understanding actually comes from: GOD!
The reality of being the strong friend is that you are also weak. You weren’t created to be your friends’ savior. Jesus was.
Take a deep breath and acknowledge this. Wow is this a relief. Say and thank Him, “It’s not my responsibility, it’s yours, God.”
Along with pointing them back to Jesus, the other best thing you can do? Be filled with Jesus yourself. When you fill yourself up with Him, His word, His presence, His peace and joy, your cup overflows. Psalm 23:5
When you allow yourself to be filled with the TRUE source of love, peace, wisdom, and strength, you are operating out of the spirit, not your flesh. See, we are human but we also have the spirit of God in us. This means we can either operate out of the flesh or out of the spirit. Here is a breakdown for each:
When we are walking by the flesh:
Galatians 5:19-21, “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
Along with this, we are walking in our own power. We are walking in literally no strength at all. So by trying to love someone you really care about without the help of the Lord, it will result in burn out. It will also be significantly harder to love them because you aren’t viewing them through the eyes of God.
Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”
Along with this, this ONLY comes with spending time with God. You will not walk out in any of these characteristics by doing life by yourself. By spending time with Him, by studying His word, and by abiding by His word, you will then desire to be like Him. You will be so overwhelmed with love and truth, that the fruit will be growing like wildflowers.
So strong friend: be with God and encourage all your friends closer to the Lord. One of the best boundaries I have created with everyone in my life: When I have huge life events in my life taking place or big accomplishments or a major thing I need to tell someone… I tell God first. I tell Him with so much excitement (or sadness or whatever emotion I am feeling) and I receive from Him first and foremost. This way when I go to tell my friend, I am not codependently expecting them to respond a certain way.
Some tangible ways for you to live out being the “strong friend” :::
Make boundaries with your friends/ those around you. Don’t let them out unrealistic expectations on you. Stand up for yourself and let them know you can’t do something when you can’t. You do not need to be strong all the time.
Communicate with your friends about your struggles and how the Lord is helping you through them. When you show them how the Lord is bringing you through and giving you strength, it indirectly gives them the inspiration to seek the Lord through hardships for themselves.
Pray for those around you. Just that they would seek Jesus in all things.
I would also like to point out that just because you may say you are the strong friend, doesn’t mean your friends are weak or not strong. They are. But you have taken on the role to be strong. Naturally you have brought that upon yourself simply because of who you are. Which is an amazing and strong quality, but ultimately know that it’s God through you who is strong.
Don’t wait for burn out to turn to the Lord for strength.