About a year ago, I realized that following guys on Instagram triggered many different emotions for me. Whether it was bringing up feelings of rejection, fear, comparison, or whatever it may be! I felt it was best for me to unfollow most guys on Instagram. I didn’t follow a lot of guys to begin with, so the guys I did follow (the ones I had chatted with previously before) I messaged them saying a little bit of what God was doing in my heart and why I needed to unfollow most guys on Instagram. I kept it short and explained it wasn’t anything they did, but a season God was taking me in that I needed no distractions or stumbling blocks.
Well, a majority of the guys took it well and encouraged me to keep diving in deeper with what God was doing in my heart and to keep being obedient to Him! But there were a few that didn’t take it too well. See, this happened months ago but this morning the Lord showed me why it isn’t okay that they responded the way they did. It shouldn’t be accepted and should be called out.
One guy/ One Situation, responded with saying, “Don’t you think that is a little extreme?”
See friend, this is a very disrespectful comment to make. This is a comment that is basically saying that something is wrong with me if I need THAT extreme of boundaries. It is a comment that is shaming the other person for what they need to do for themselves. This is a comment that is not honoring what I have told/asked of him. This comment welcomes in compromise. This comment is welcoming deception just like the enemy did with Eve. Genesis 3:1, “He said to the woman, 'Did God really say that you must not eat from any tree in the garden?” People will say small phrases like this and it will bring doubt and deception into your heart. It’s important to realize when this is happening and to cling to truth in these moments.
Romans 12:10, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
If someone is disregarding the boundaries you have set for yourself and is even making you doubt them, they aren’t honoring you. If someone is belittling or making fun of the boundaries you have set for yourself, they aren’t honoring you. When someone is wanting you to compromise what you have set for yourself, they aren’t honoring you. Simple as that. We make boundaries to flee from temptation. We make boundaries not because they are fun, but because they are wise. When we continue with these people who aren’t supporting or honoring the boundaries we have made, we compromise. We compromise which leads into temptation. Temptation leads to sin. Sin leads to separation from Him. This is why the Lord the Lord warns us to be with people of this world and to be equally yoked.
The other guy responded, “ok but you are still following ____. Why are you following Him but not me??”
This is a little bit different, but still not good. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, “ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.”
LOVE DOES NOT INSIST ON ITS OWN WAY.
This is a foundational concept in every relationship along side of honoring one another. In order to honor one another, you cannot insist on your own way. You PUT the other person’s best interest first. You do what is honorable to the other person.
This person probably didn’t want to feel rejected by me and so he started pushing the blame of not feeling like enough onto me. This person said this out of insecurity. This person said this out of feeling rejection.
You know where this gets dangerous?
An example of both of these concepts that is way too common..
Say you are in a relationship with a guy and you want to hold to the boundary of not going past kissing. Here is the breakdown:
He feels rejected by you because he thinks it’s because you aren’t attracted enough to him to keep going farther. So he questions your boundaries and says small comments to change your mind. “are you sure? it’s only touching other parts, nothing too bad” “well, we aren’t going ALL the way.” “well it’s only one time.” You start getting deceived into thinking the boundary you have set for yourself isn’t THAT big of a deal after all.
He really wants to push the physical boundaries because his flesh and hormones are going CRAZY. So he insists on going farther because HE wants to go farther, despite what you are comfortable with. Aka, not honoring your boundaries whatsoever.
Girl, do you see the connection between the two of these? Do you see how easily it is to let it slide by but also how easy it is to recognize? My heart and purpose for sharing all of this, is for you to realize if you are in a relationship of compromise. This doesn’t just go with romantic relationships but friendships, as well.
You not only deserve a man/friend who honors you and puts your best interests before yourself, but it’s God’s design for all relationships to be this way. It is His design for all relationships to be sacrificial and reflecting what Jesus did for us on the cross. It is His desire to give you a community that ALWAYS points you back to Him and is always challenging you to be a better imitator of Christ.
Friend, I want to encourage you to be paying close attention to these warning signs and red flags in friendships and romantic relationships with both women and men. Are people perfect? By no means! But you can notice these things and how they are treating you and call them out in love so both of you can have a better relationship that honors and reflects God.