You ever been in a relationship that makes you compromise your morals? You lose everything you wanted to give your husband? Well there is hope for the mess afterwards.
My dear friend had a 4 year relationship with the guy she loved. Though she loved Him- this was not the guy that God wanted her with. He constantly pushed her away from Him and even told her that God wasn't real multiple times. This is something she wrote that I believe has incredible power...
"It’s one of those things, a break up. It can make you into someone new or it can wreck your whole life.
I praise God that in the end, it made me.
The day we broke up was like a tsunami in a war zone, chaos amid chaos. I was already so lost, so broken from compromising myself that I barely knew who I was apart from you.
We were two 16 year old kids who thought we had it all figured out. I didn’t know my worth, so I gave myself to you because that’s all I knew. I found my comfort and affirmation from you behind closed doors. It was all I knew, for 4 years I took away every hidden treasure that was supposed to be for my husband. I had come to a place where I figured that was my only reality, that I would forever be the girl who didn’t have boundaries in her relationships. I began to believe that it was all I would ever be.
I remember the feeling in my chest when I hung up the phone and I cried until my body couldn’t produce any more tears. Where do I go from here? I had no idea how to survive this. I laid in bed that night, and for many days after. I skipped every class I had for weeks. I was lost and so alone. I so clearly remember clinging to the few moments I had in the mornings when I hadn’t had the chance to think of you yet. But eventually I’d remember, and I’d sink back in my bed with grief.
I was consumed with fear and heartache. I dreaded the day when I was no longer your only one, and you’d moved on. You’d given what we shared to the next girl, because it didn’t mean the same to you.
At night I would torture myself with these thoughts that made me drown.
I became very aware that I’d lost myself, and had no idea who I was.
I remember hoping and praying that this would all somehow work for good, but I couldn’t see how.
Yet here I am because of His love. That someday is now and everyday is a victory. I realized the desires of my heart were nowhere near where I was. I was worn down from compromising my beliefs for someone else. I caught a glimpse of the woman God created me to be, and I ran with it. As the pain would resurface each day, I’d find a way to use it for good.
I’m realizing that I’d followed a path that wasn’t me when I was with him. I knew that my heart was with Christ, but I hadn’t made room for Him. I’d let Him get drug behind the car that was my life for far too many miles.
I realized that I compromised my whole being. Who I wanted as a partner, how I was to be treated, who I saw as my husband and the father to my children, and the future I dreamt of.
Each day God broke down my walls of insecurity, of shame, of finding my worth in others.
It was and is a messy process, but He so redeemed me, and my heart.
As time passed by my grief turned into overwhelming joy because my heart was mended, and I am made new. And every day from then on Jesus has redeemed me and I owe it all to the one who never stops pursing my heart. I have begun to let the Lord reshape who I am."
Friend, I want to encourage you if you have a similar story to hers. Your past relationship does not define who you are or your value. The physical mistakes that you once did- does not mean you are less desirable or already damaged. Your life is not over- you're just starting into a new season of having the Father be your everything. He is not mad at you- His heart hurts for you because He wants your heart to be with Him not boys that will abuse it.
He will give you a relationship but He won't place a guy in your life who will tear you away from Him. He won't because He wants your attention. He is a jealous God- not the type of jealousy your past boyfriends have been like but the jealously that says, "I deserve your heart and your attention. I am your Father who will guide you, protect you, give you comfort, peace and so much love that you can't receive from any other human.I love you so much and my heart hurts knowing you aren't coming to me."
1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
If you find yourself carrying shame or guilt from your previous relationship that wasn't so good- just tell God you are sorry and you will be forgiven. It's as easy at that. Just list out the things you are sorry for and He will lift the heavy chains off your shoulders. The chains that the enemy wants to keep you weighed down by but the chains God wants to take from you and free you from.
Allow Him to come in and redeem your past and use it to bring others into freedom. He loves you and will never be ashamed of you.