Do you want a boyfriend or husband

Desiring a boyfriend but not a husband? Let me guess why that may be and tell you the danger that come with that mindset.

Why do we date? We date to find our husband.

So if you are not wanting to start looking into marriage or want commitment, why are you desiring a boyfriend?

My friend shared this with me one day and it totally changed my perspective on dating/marriage: She just wanted the benefits of a boyfriend.  She didn’t want to build a life with someone in hopes of getting married. She wanted to have “her person” to talk to, she wanted cuddles, she wanted someone to constantly affirm her of how great she is, she wanted security to tell that she is not alone.

If we’re being completely honest, I think a lot of us have this mindset without even realizing it. We want someone for selfish reasons that make us feel good, feel wanted, and feel desired. It is a human desire to feel needed and desired, I get it. But along with all the other desires we have, we need to steward them wisely and timely.

So what did my friend do? She took a step back and acknowledged this void in her heart that needed to be filled by the Lord. She was looking for comfort in men, not the Lord. She was looking to be valued by men, not the Lord. She was looking to feel secure by a man telling her she was okay rather than the Lord.


Marriage should reflect what Jesus did on earth for His children.


“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

Think about this verse this way:

Jesus had left his father to be with his children on earth. He is relentlessly and sacrificially pursing His bride here on earth. Holding fast to the calling of the Kingdom. Through the bride’s sanctification, and Jesus’ perfect love, they become one for the Father.

This is the model we have. This is how a husband is to pursue his bride, just like Christ pursues His bride. Relentlessly, sacrificially, endlessly. For the purpose of reconciliation between you and the Father in heaven.

Marriage is not for you and your desires to be met constantly. Marriage is for furthering God’s kingdom. So if marriage is for God, not for you, why are you trying to rush it?

If you want to do what is in God’s plan for your life, be obedient to His timing. Do not desire what is yours in the first place. Marriage is not to be glorified, but God is to be glorified.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5, “ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,” Love is patient. Be patient for your husband. Love is not rushed, but perfect timing. Love is not self seeking. Love is sacrificial. If you are wanting your relationship/ marriage to happen because YOU want it to happen, that is self seeking and not patient.

Ask yourselves these questions if you want a boyfriend:

Why do I want a boyfriend?

If I had a boyfriend, would I be okay if he spent more time with the Lord rather than with me?

If I had a boyfriend, would I be any happier with myself?

If I had a boyfriend would I be demanding for attention and getting my affirmation from him instead of the Lord?