Junior.
Junior year.
Roles have shifted in your high school experience. People around you make you feel like you aren’t a kid anymore and that you have to start figuring out what you want to do the rest of your life. People have now put the pressure onto you, if they hadn’t before, to know exactly what university you’ll be attending and what degree path you will be choosing. You know what I say to that? You don’t owe them anything. You don’t owe them a perfectly curated answer pretending you know what is ahead. You share what you are passionate about NOW and what you would like to do NOW. Because it will most likely change. And guess what? THAT IS NORMAL AND MORE THAN OKAY!
When I was a junior in high school, I truly was lost. I was going through the motions and felt like I was always behind. I never really understood myself, what I was passionate about, or what I was good at. If you didn’t read my sophomore post, here’s some catch up. Sophomore year, I lost who I was after I had stopped playing soccer competitively. So I was left with nothing other than confusion about who I was and who I was going to be post soccer life.
So it’s junior year, I was in AVID (a 4 year program to prep you for college) and everyone was figuring out all the SAT, ACT, AP tests, and here I was trying to figure out how to stay above water and keep the current boy talking to me. I tried taking AP classes, dropped out of one of them because I really didn’t want to keep doing the work. The other AP class taught me a lot, but I never took the final test because I had in my head that I would have failed. Looking back now, I completely would have passed.
Time came around to taking the SAT’s and ACT’s and I didn’t take either of them. I was surrounded around people who were going to score high on the tests and I didn’t even want to try because I knew my number would be lower. I knew I would be going to community college so I didn’t need to take them.
Long story short, I had no drive because fear was my perspective. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of falling short, fear of being less than my friends, fear of letting my parents down, fear of feeling even worse about myself, so I just didn’t do anything.
Life was horrible. I hated my life more than I can express. If I am being honest, I really didn’t want to live because there was no purpose.
Fast forward to spring break of 2014. My parents told me I was going on a mission trip to Mexico with this big church near us. I had not been involved in a youth group since age 8 so I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know anything about God other than He had a plan for my life, I didn’t know a single thing what I was entering into.
Again, long story short, that week was the start of a complete life change. I felt accepted there. I felt like I could actually have friends there. There was cute boys there. I wanted to get involved with church because school had nothing left to offer me.
The reason I tell you all of this?
Sometimes we have to get to our lowest point where we are desperate for something other than what the world can offer us. College can’t offer you worth. Boys can’t offer you worth. Your grades can’t offer you worth. Your future career path can’t offer you worth. Your friendships can’t offer you worth. Your sports can’t offer you worth. Your social status can’t offer you worth. Nothing can, except Jesus.
And until you meet with Him, you will be searching in every place to try and find it, when you are really just looking for Him.
Here are some questions to ask yourself, journal through, and seek the Lord with:
What are you pursuing? Are you pursuing things of this world or Him?
Are you fixated on your relationship with your friends more than Christ?
What do you feel like needs to change/be eliminated in your life for you to pursue Christ whole heartedly?
Are you walking in Jesus’ gracious love for you or are you finding yourself striving for love from others?
What are you doing for FUN? What are you doing that makes you feel closer to what Jesus made you to do? What are creative outlets that you enjoy?
Some tangible steps for you as you walk out the rest of Junior year:
Set aside time to be with Jesus! Whether that is in the morning, after school, right before bed. Find 30 minutes, an hour, or two hours to just BE with Jesus seeking His characteristic’s of goodness. Don’t just spend time to get answers or blessings, seek friendship. You are not too busy to be with your creator.
Start a bible study with a few of your friends! Make it fun! Meet in a coffee shop and just read together. Put your phones away and read a book. Find a book study or devotional. If y’all like watercoloring, do that on a Saturday morning together! If you like picnic’s, go find a park and do that! Be in community with other girls who know your heart condition. Be real and honest about what you are NEEDING from Jesus in this season and where you need to be challenged. Allow accountability into your life.
Continuously try new things that make you scared, nervous, or uncomfortable. Pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations will result in more confidence because you will experience Jesus’ comfort in our uncomfortableness. You will first hand see His comfort and peace come during these scary times. Not only that, but you will get to see what you like, what you don’t like, etc. You are young ONCE, so try new things.
Actively remind yourself that you don’t need to know what your future looks like. Mostly because even if you tried, you won’t know. God has a whole lifetime set before you so just seek Him. Seek Him and the more peace you will have because you trust Him with the unknown.