Being Single is Not a Punishment or Sickness.
“How do I deal with being single”
First off, I hear the heart in this question. I do, but let me be frank with you. Stop treating and viewing being single as if it’s a sickness or punishment. The people asking this question have one of two viewpoints/ heart motives in this question.
It’s either A or B:
A. I actually really want a boyfriend to do life with, pursue Christ together, be challenged/ challenge someone, and be intentional with someone.
OR
B. I feel lonely and need someone to affirm me. I desire intimacy and I want a boyfriend so that I can be fulfilled.
See, both of these are desires that I have felt. If I am being honest, I think a majority of most women have experienced as well. But one of the best things I have heard on singleness is this: “Do you want a boyfriend or do you want a husband? Do you want the benefits of a boyfriend without the commitment of having to be sacrificial in your love?” Because the reality is, we don’t date to date. We date to marry.
So here are some advice/tangible tips for both groups:
Group A:
Pray daily for a pure heart that is for the Lord.
Be in a community where you have intimacy with your friends. Challenge them, encourage them, speak life into them. Same with you, allow them to speak into your life. Learn how to be vulnerable when it’s hard with those around you so you are able to do it in a healthy way when your future boyfriend comes around.
Be in the word daily and keep your intimacy with Jesus. After all, He is your first love! So you learn love from intimacy with Him. If you want to love your future boyfriend or husband well, learn how to receive and give love from Jesus first.
Learn what it looks like to be rooted in Jesus. Following what His word says, practicing self-control, honor, and say yes to new opportunities that grow your trust and faith in the Lord.
Group B:
If you are seeking intimacy, comfort, affirmation, and love in someone else, you’ll never find complete fulfillment. Jesus will fulfill every single need you have. Every desire you have. You lack NOTHING in Him. Psalm 34:10, “The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.” This doesn’t mean you flip open your bible to some random page and treat God as a genie to give you what you want. No, you seek Him day in and day out. Like any relationship/friendship, it takes SHOWING UP to build the relationship. You don’t spend time with Jesus to get something, you spend time with Him so you learn who He is. Knowing His character is when you start gaining confidence because in Him you know who you are. You are who you are because of who He is and who He has allowed you to be.
Go to God with your thoughts, feelings, and desires. Nothing is too weird to bring up to God. He is the one who created all things, including those hormonal desires you are trying to figure out.
Journal out what you are seeking and ask how He can fulfill that desire. He is so faithful, friends.
Singleness is not a curse. It’s not a punishment for your past. James 1:2-3, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
If you are seeking a boyfriend, God knows. God sees you. God knows your heart more than you do. But He wants your heart to be with HIM first before another human being. Because He wants you to know how to love well. And without knowing the love of Christ for you, you won’t be able to love others well.
So don’t treat being single as anything bad, friends. Be with your friends, enjoy life alone with Jesus, travel when it’s easy to, invest in deep friendships, and enjoy this time. If you find that are feeling like you are less than because you don’t have a boyfriend, it’s actually probably best that you don’t have a boyfriend. God loves you and wants to protect you more than you could ever love yourself and protect yourself. He is jealous after the pursuit of your heart and He doesn’t want some bum to get in the way.
I am 22 and I have never had a boyfriend. I have a wild past with guys and it’s actually a MIRACLE that I have never been with a guy. There is no way to describe it other than God’s provision over my life. Friends, please trust me when I say: having a boyfriend or husband is not the ultimate #GOALS or #PERFECTLIFE. Following Jesus, being obedient to what He has called you to do, and living out your calling is.
Our role in life is this:
“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20
Where in that does it say that you need a boyfriend to complete what Jesus has set before you? Where does it say that having a boyfriend is essential? Allow your mind, heart, and soul to be completely surrendered to the Lord because He 1. Is worthy and 2. will give you what you desire. But through the process of being transformed into looking more like Jesus, your desires will shift less like the world, and more kingdom driven.